You stare at the biochemistry book, at your cadaver and scratch your head at the complexity. No wonder this stupid system breaks; how much simpler and functional this could be.
I like monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that
odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to
look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His
name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really
bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed.
Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at
high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the
spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:
they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead.
Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my
room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked
like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for
a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want
to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately
there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change
them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so
it didn't all go bad.
I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to
extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in
my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the
bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't
allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet
one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My
friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like
them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in
I like monkeys
Earlier Thursday, Judge Roberts said Congress has the authority to pass legislation barring discrimination based on race, gender and disability.Your right as a private citizen and businessman to serve or employ who you want to is outweighed by my right to not feel different because of my sex or disability or race?
president of the California Association of Health Plans, said insurers have little control over many of the underlying causes of rising medical costs. These include an aging population and expensive new technology.
The central nervous system is really amazing. I just have this sense that it is the last wild frontier of medicine. There's plenty we don't know about other "systems" of the body but it pales in comparison to what we seem not to know about the brain. Realize such "lack of knowledge" is comparative. As well, it just means that new and interesting discoveries are happening all the time.
"There's a sense we as humans have kind of peaked," agreed Greg Wray, director of Duke University's Center for Evolutionary Genomics. "A different way to look at is it's almost impossible for evolution not to happen."
The newspaper said likely games to be moved to San Antonio are Oct. 2 against Buffalo, Oct. 16 against Atlanta; Dec. 4 against Tampa Bay and Dec. 24 against Detroit.You better believe I'll be at Atlanta, if this is true, and maybe Detroit just to see my man Mike Williams play, not that Harrington can get him the ball.
USC has done a great job, but their Virginia Tech game turned on one of the worst calls I've ever seen. And they beat UCLA and were they a good team last year? Stanford had them down 11 points. But USC is winning. We lost three games we should've won, and we didn't. But if people think Miami is going downhill, bring it on. That's all I got to say, bring it on! Go ahead, doubt us. Think you can whip our ass, because it ain't happening.Pretty hard to believe these comments after watching Miami falling 10 - 7 to a crap ass corp of Florida St. widerecievers and two freshman quarterbacks who completed a total of 7 passes. USC's defense is at least as good as FSU's and our offense would've dropped thirty or forty on a helpless Miami.
Federalism Strikes Again: As long as we're apportioning blame in the Katrina fiasco, here's another culprit: federalism, by which I mean a) the U.S.'s interpolation of an unnecessary level of government (states) between cities and the national government and b) the non-hierarchical, "sovereign" nature of this unnecessary level, so that the national government can't just give its Louisiana subdivision orders the way, say, General Motors can give its Pontiac division orders.This is not a logically sound argument, mainly because it can go both ways. Perhaps the problem is that there's not enough Federalism. If the federal government hadn't seized control of so many aspects of government, if it didn't tax the hell out of people, limiting the amount that state's could collect, then Louisiana would've had more resources to respond to the disaster.